Many cycling fans where thrilled to hear that Team Radio Shack will not be entirely disbanding as many cycling teams do after a short two or three year contract – But the news doesn’t stop there. New information gathered by our Emmy Award Wanting reporters at Chamois News have revealed that Team Radio Shack has become “America’s Team” in the sport of cycling due to its past support of riders Lance Armstrong, Levi Leipheimer, Chris Horner, many on the Trek Livestrong U23 team whom are American and our continued need for confusing cable connectors and outlet adapters.

Much like Rupert Murdoch, Chamois News has been tapping the phones looking for leads and recently listened in on a phone call between Radio Shack and the Dallas Cowboys front office. With the success of the USA Pro Cycling Challenge in Colorado, seems Jerry Jones wants in. Sure they have their cheerleaders but without a conference championship since 1995, the Jumbotron needs some excitement. Enter American Cycling!

Well, when Sir James Dyson (yes he is a knight) sets his mind to designing something new he almost always hits his mark. The new bicycle invention, which is called the Dyson Cyclismo, features a cutting edge new front wheel design and creative frame specifications that helps produce efficient airflow. Sir James Dyson was quoted as saying, “It’s fast because we designed it to be fast. It is a pretty simple concept – Less resistance usually equals less needed power. Even the oldest of people can push our vacuums.” The Cyclismo is also the first and only bicycle to be awarded the Carbon Reduction Label. When asked how he achieved such a status he said, “We asked. It’s a bicycle.”

The bike will go on sale next month at select Target stores. The price for the Dyson Cyclismo is expected to be around $15,ooo or 1.5 million Chase Rewards Points.

The Zipp 101 offers a wider and deeper aluminum clincher option that produces a stable ride with the benefits of a slightly more aerodynamic shape. The wider rim width works well with most standard 23mm to 25mm tires creating a smoother airflow over the 30mm deep rims helping deliver the benefits most riders relate the Zipp Weaponry brand with – aerodynamics and speed – referred to by Chamois News as looks and status. The added rim width also provides riders with solid riding platform boosting self-confidence while on tricky descent, less than stellar road conditions and blind dates.

At 0.239831447 stones, or 1523 grams, the 101’s also proved to be a comfortable and capable wheelset in simulated racing conditions. With only the familiarizing tune to the ear, Chamois News reviewers where able to track down and catch the fastest of Ice Crème trucks by accelerating through changing streetlights, drafting quick moving dump trucks and navigating cramped ally ways. Paired with Zipp 88/188 hubs and Sapim CX-Ray spokes, the 101’s accelerated nicely while maintaining top speeds easily and effortlessly helping capture the ultimate prize – the bomb pop!

Here at Chamois News are dream is see a spinner wheelset hit the market, but until then, like most, we are always looking for a quality wheelset – Zipp 101’s fit the bill. The final scores for the Zipp 101’s were a 7.5 in inner-circle acceptance, 8.5 in coffee shop gawker effect and 4.5 in intimidation factor.

Sunny Delight Beverage Co. – maker of Sunny D juice blends – has stepped forward and created a new brand of enhanced juice drinks called “Tommy D”. The new drink will carry the same B1 and vitamin C values and the additional Calcium that the existing EnhancedD products carry but with new labeling and promotional efforts.

Sunny Delight Beverage Co. released a statement expressing their excitement and continued commitment to delivering a tangy and enjoyable drink with the nutritional elements kids need. “We are very excited to support Tommy D, his cycling talents and boyish good looks. We even share the same name.”

At the time of the interview we didn’t mention to Sunny D representatives that Tom’s last name is actually Danielson, not D.

Years of rider feedback has shown that a very large segment of mountain biker demographic has felt left behind in Cannondale’s technological advances. Local Cyclist, a Cannondale owner, long time weight weenie, and right hander, is ecstatic. He is posting to every forum he can, saying, “I can’t wait for them to debut this perfect shock. Although it’s stock, it’ll feel fully custom and perfectly in tune to my right hand tendencies. For a two pound shock, I definitely don’t mind the estimated $2,700 price tag.”

The Cannondale Righty is set to be released at Interbike next month. The $2,700 price tag will surely raise eyebrows. However, because of the quality and custom feel, the price will be quickly forgotten for the target customers. Weighing in at 1.99 pounds with updated suspension technology and right hand specific rigidity, this is certain to be a hit among all right handed riders. A Cannondale representative added, “We see a lot of potential in the market. Our riders keep telling us that they are constantly asked why they (current Leftys) are only available on the left. We want to provide high quality options.”

Expect to see other new right handed technology emerging at Interbike this year.mission

He went on to say, “I did all my preparation and pacing for 100 miles. 103+ miles totally messed up my plan. I just missed placing in the top 100 but I could have been top 20 if I had known all of the details. I will for sure be ready for next year”.

Wait until he finds out next year’s event will be 105 miles. Good luck next year Local Cyclist. Good luck.

Of course, Chamois News uncovered the story of Gilbert’s next team before the rest of the cycling news sources could even get air in their tires. Chamois News can now confirm that Gilbert will be riding – for his own team next season. Yes, this new team will consist of just one rider, Philip Gilbert. Team management has found a loop-hole in the UCI rules that set the minimum riders a team is allowed to have on it’s roster and will be contesting all of the remaining races with just Gilbert toeing the line. This change also means Gilbert will receive the entire team budget of 20 million euros. No word on the team’s sponsor yet but all rumors point to Marldoro Cigarettes.

But it was no surprise when Chamois News overheard that this highly anticipated stage race has once again changed its name. The new name of the event has now become “The Tour of Colorado Presented by the State of California” suggesting that California is now contributing a significant amount of sponsorship and support to race or perhaps just looking for additional ways to reduce the debt owed for the hydro-electric power the state receives from the Colorado River. Other hearsay for the partnership include past agreements concerning the number of accepted California students into the University of Colorado and the recent move to the Pacific Ten Athletic Conference.

Rumors are that California would like to host six out of the seven stages of next year’s Tour of Colorado and new information suggests Texas is offering support in efforts to get their tourists back.

More information on the Tour of Colorado can be found here.

What’s even more impressive are the positive attitudes both displayed during interviews after the event. Coming so close to victory neither brother displayed any anger or disappointment towards their competitors or the situation. “…this year I have no regrets…being on the podium with my brother…its never happened before.” Andy went on to say, “I enjoyed standing up there and will enjoy tonight’s dinner. It was a fantastic podium. I am happy for Cadel.” Frank said, “We did great. No regrets.”

Congratulations to the Schleck brothers. Your smiles and happiness will propel us through the scandals and raids that are soon to follow.

Superstar Lance Armstrong is absent from this years Tour amidst criminal investigation. Yet, Lance’s greatness cannot be contested. So when he disappeared last week and some began to circulate disparaging rumors of runaway Lance, many wondered worriedly of his whereabouts.

Yet, Lance’s greatness cannot be contested. Early this morning NASA released the photo seen here, and commented, “In an unprecedented feat of athleticism, Lance Armstrong redefines the term lunar cycle!”

So it seems the controversy surrounding him has led Armstrong to do a little soul-searching. Still, Lance makes history in anything he does. In following in his father’s footsteps, 42 years to-the-day later, Lance Armstrong maintains his superstar status in space!

While this news will undoubtedly impress the cycling world and reposition Lance as its leader, the science community is also taking much notice. No science has yet been presented, but the photo clearly shows Armstrong cycling the moon sans spacesuit. Are offspring of moonwalkers immune to the dangers of exposure on the moon? Did Neil Armstrong mate with an alien?

The feat of lunar cycling undoubtedly makes Lance Armstrong an American hero. Yet some worry that this photo will only increase suspicions of performance enhancing drug use.